By Published On: September 18th, 20130 Comments

Love’s Chronicles – Entry #80: Listen (Epilogue)

A Recent Experience of Mines with Light vs Darkness

I wrote about my friend’s journey on learning to “Listen” and I have to share one that I had that was also similar.

My friend and I were having some tension in our dealings with each other. Not really serious because regardless of our little arguments there is nothing but Love in my heart for the person. But our arguments tore at me so bad it was like having an argument with God. And if you’ve read the bible, the God of the bible has lost it a couple a times and had to apologize for rash actions just as humans do. These arguments affected me so much I would rather not even talk to the person rather than argue. It’s THAT intense, most intense relationship I have ever had. “Uhm, No God I dont want to work with you closely like that, I’m good right here just let me know what you need .” lol Can you imagine someone saying that? Can you imagine God’s wrath at a puny human saying No? Everybody want to be on the right hand side of God right? lol Shit you have NO idea. I’ve actually had dreams outside of this experience about becoming a “preacher”, a couple people have even asked me had I considered it, I politely say “No” and roll over or end conversation lol. I’m not crazy, I have my reasons. But I digress.

I wanted it to be done so that we could just do what we needed to do, we ain’t need to talk for that. That night I had a dream (remembering) filled with Light everywhere and an image of a lion with fire all around it and in that dream it told me to continue the work. It didn’t say anything about keep talking, it just said in a VERY powerful voice “Do the work.” Now this is one of those dreams that you have no doubt about, ain’t no “I ate too much” or “I saw it on TV” lol it was one of those down to business dreams. It was powerful as fuck and it set well with my spirit and I knew immediately what I had to do. Regardless of how I felt about my friend, I needed to do the work…no Sharron its not ok to say “Fuck it”.

Then came the test, we had a huge textument (text based argument), its no way it could of gone down with me hearing my friends voice but writing? Insults don’t hurt as much and instead of tears, my words dig in that ass. I’m not proud of the words I wrote but after reading the conversation again several times, I STILL wouldn’t change one of them. It started off with a few things they said that rubbed me the wrong way, I gave them a warning to stop, but when I told them I didn’t want to deal with them and I just wanted to “do the work”. Things went even more south and eventually they fired me, I wanted so bad to give them a FFB, “fuck-it”, “fine”, “Bye” but that dream stuck in my head and I kept saying I don’t care what you say, I don’t work for you, You can’t fire me. I have no idea what would of happened if I had of said “fuck it” but I know I have always done my best by my friend and Light so I can sleep well at night. Looking back, perhaps telling someone you don’t want to be around them isn’t the best (tact has never been a strong suite of mines) but it was the truth. I can Love you from a distance.

When we receive the message, the actual experience comes immediately after. Oprah says it as if we get warnings and then a knock up side the head. Sometimes we don’t get the luxury of warnings, sometimes we are just thrown right into the situation and we have to make a choice.

As I write about this, which I haven’t until this moment, I realize that perhaps “Do the Work” meant to do it while working closely with them…perhaps working closely with them was “the work”. Perhaps “Loving from a distance” wasn’t even an option. Hmmmm, didn’t think about that but this is an afterthought many months away. At the time of the dream, I felt it meant that regardless of “Us” I had to keep doing what was asked of me regardless of how I felt. But in any case, doesn’t matter now. I did my best, I didn’t shut any doors, just wanted to be able to do the work without all the damn arguing. I tell you it is such a fine line we walk on the path between Light and Darkness every single day. No action we take is every small, everything we do and say affects the lives of many.

Afterthought on My Experience

In my honest opinion, was I wrong with my harsh words…Yes. Was my friend right? No. I have so much on my plate and going through so much right now and for anyone to step to me and say something that goes against what I know to be my best are fighting words and I will more than likely curse. your. ass. out or hurt you lol. All the shit Im going through now?!? I would pick something up and knock somebody out lol and worry about it in prison lol. Shit lol. I know where I am right now, I make no apologies about it and I’m honest about it. I am in a very sensitive situation…and as are they. So if I look at it again there is no right or wrong just stress. Can I promise it wouldn’t happen again at this point in time…No. So in all honesty? It is best that we went our separate ways if we have indeed done that. I’m actually going to look into more of how I can separate myself from what’s going on externally with me, because in my heart I believe my friend came to me to unconsciously dump their stress on me and I dumped mine on them. I think mines outweighed theirs though…hey? such is Life.

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