Tiya’s Entry – Day #32 – I’ll Miss Him
I’ve been in quite a few relationships but never once was I able to communicate so well with a man on all levels. We could talk about politics one minute and jump to talk about astral traveling the next. And the sexual chemistry was so intense, I Loved hearing his voice in my ear and he could make me cum with little to no effort. I could not wait til the day when I could hear him live, telling me how beautiful I am and how happy he was to have me to share his life with.
We left everything unfinished. I never even got a chance to touch his face, to touch his chest and feel his heartbeat. To tell him I Love him and show him how much.
I know for most people, perhaps even to him, it was a typical relationship, typical story and typical ending but I knew I had found something special in us. I just felt it, even KK felt it, the same energy she felt with Rakhem. And I’ve never said this because I don’t believe in regrets, however if I had a chance to go back in time to reassure him the moment he had doubt I would. If I knew what words caused him pain I would of never spoke them despite my own pain. I’m strong, I can take a licking and keep on ticking, however perhaps the word that did me in was his final straw.
He told me the whys but never in a million years will I ever understand how you can be in love so strong and throw it all away. I still dont see what I even did “wrong”. I see how my being triggered certain emotions in him however I think he forgot that we could talk about anything.
Now, I’m so conflicted, I want to run, I want to stay, I tried to talk, I tried to reconcile but I think he still sees it as an attack…asking all the questions. Lord you think Love conquers all, but it doesn’t and I’m not even sure what does. I have to treat his temporary presence in my life as a gift and just be thankful. Perhaps it was never meant to be, perhaps we’ll be together again and this period in our lives will make us try harder and remember the Love in the future. I don’t know, but I know I miss the man and that laugh that sounds like my cousin Miltons…making him laugh was the best.
So this is my letter to the moon, to him, to my Ay. You are Loved dear heart, here forever and always.
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